Thursday, July 26, 2012


Can I get real here for a few minutes?  Please don't judge (I know it's hard not to judge people, it's something I struggle with....) but, please, don't judge.  So, it's obvious from the pictures you've seen of me here on this blog or in Instagram that I'm a BIG girl. Always have been, even as a child. For the most part I've been ok with how I look. I've never been able to be one of those big, bold and beautiful girls who totally embraces and love their curves, but I've been ok with how I look. Getting my prom dresses and wedding dress from the plus sized section? Whatever. It's who I am. In my mind, I've always told myself  "it's who God made me to be."  But, He also gave me free will to eat crap instead of healthy food, didn't He?

Lately, though, I've been REALLY unhappy with what I see in the mirror. I pick myself apart constantly, and I don't want my girls to think being unkind to yourself is ok. I don't want to be the mom who sits on the bench at the park because she's too tired to chase play with her kids. I don't want to set a HORRIBLE example by not eating all of the veggies on my plate, but expecting them to. I don't want to try on outfit after outfit, only to be left in tears because nothing looks the way I want it to.  I don't want to be the only one not in the pool at a party, roasting my ass off because I'm too embarrassed to be in a swimsuit in front of my friends.

I don't want to miss out on watching my girls grow up because I ate crap.

I have no set "plan" to speak of, I just know I don't want to be unhealthy anymore. The first step was buying a juicer (I'm going to try like hell to make myself like vegetables, even if it means drinking them! And on that note, please let me know of any tips, recipes or wonderful websites on juicing!) I'm going to see if it's financially possible to join a gym, and I'm going to do this.

I'm putting it out there, because I want some accountability. Just some encouragement, maybe.

If you made it all the way to the end, I thank you. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.



tiff said...

I really like your list of points. I needed to read something inspiring like that. I have fallen off the wagon in my weight loss struggle and I need to remember that it's not the end of the world! Thanks, Heather!

{cuppakim} said...

this is a hard thing to put out there, but i know you've got this girl. :)
WANTING to do it is a HUGE first step. :)

my advice: start small. track everything. and take it one step at a time. :)

~ko said...

Alright my dear! I love your honesty here. And what I can say is take it one day at a time. One meal at a time, one walk or workout at a time. Lifestyle changes can be overwhelming, that's why so many of us fail at them. But when you break it down to just a day, just one hour you will be victorious! You are beautiful inside and out remember that ALWAYS! As for any tips? Chug your water! Water water water, a gallon a day. You'll be amazed I promise!

Kendra said...

You can totally do this. I'm working on it right now. Pinterest has some interesting at home work outs just to get your mind going that way. First step is admitting you want to change and the second step is actually doing it.

Unknown said...

Wow, girl! Thank you for your honesty, that is so awesome!! I have a great recipe for roasted cauliflower (which actually isn't much of a recipe). And before you cringe, trust me... it's SO much better than steamed.

Cut cauliflower into bite-size pieces and toss with olive oil, salt, pepper (and garlic and/or rosemary or any other herbs). Spread it out on parchment paper on a cookie sheet and roast at 400° for an hour, turning them a few times throughout.

April said...

love you love you love you! You can do this.....I will be your chearleader of sorts! lol
Cant wait to see you succeed!

Carly said...

Thank you for your honesty! I love this post, and your attitude! It's great to focus on health instead of appearance....I'm trying to work on that as well! Maybe we can all do a healthy recipe swap?


Crystal said...

I have struggled with weight my whole life and recently just posted about my pants not fitting right anymore. It's something I will always struggle with. About 9 years ago I lost 60 lbs and have managed to keep the majority of it off. It took lots of hard work but in the end it was so worth it, it's amazing how much better you feel when you eat healthy and work out.
My advice is stick with it and take your time, losing weight slowly helps keep it off. If you slip up don't think it's over just make better choices the rest of the day. Don't let other sway you or discourage'll run into people that will try even those closest to you in some cases.
Great way to get started and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Amber said...

I am so blown away by your honesty! that takes guts and a whole lot of courage to really put yourself out there.
as someone who's been working on losing the baby weight i understand how you feel about what you see. it can be frustrating and it will be hard. start with small changes, drink more water, eat more whole grains. create a pin board full of meal ideas, workouts and healthier snacks.[ here's mine: ]
my hubby (who has also always been a bug dude) recently lost 20lbs in the last few months simply by changing what he eats & the portion size, incorporating workouts and increasing his water. we still indulge in desserts but most are 100 calories or in smaller portions.
if you ever feel like you hit a wall we are here to cheer you on!

Jill Carr said...

Oh honey, YOU CAN DO IT! I'm starting out on a plan too...I'm going to Influence this fall and I reallllllly want to look better (and have a roommate...which no one would want right to do right now because I snore!) so I'm working!!!!

Skye McLain said...

I love your honesty! It is hard to be completely happy with who you are no matter what you look like - especially now with all these ideas of what healthy and pretty is supposed to be. I've struggled a long time with similar things.

If I may, I'd love to invite you to our small "support group" of girls that are participating in what we are calling the "cardboard box diet". no, we don't eat things that taste like cardboard. but what we DO do is be honest and real about struggling with body issues, wanting to enjoy food (good food!) but still make healthy choices, and balance a healthy lifestyle of working out with having a life. it's a great group of gals and we all post once a week about our successes and struggles. I think you would truly benefit from it! you can check out my blog today for an example of what we chat about and we use the hashtag #cbdiet on twitter and instagram to keep up and encourage each other.

God bless, beautiful woman. you have made the first step - here's to making the next one!!

Mandy @ In the Fashion Lane said...

I love when I see "real" posts and I am so proud of you for putting it out there. It is SO hard to do. I still get so nervous each month I do a Fashionista Fitness post or a FB update. I fully understand how you feel and relate. I will help you in any way that I can. Seriously, support makes the BIGGEST difference ever! Love you and support you 100% XXOO

Erica said...

Im emailing you a blog post that I just haven't had courage to post. It's very inspiring to see strong women like you open up and be real! I think you are gorgeous but I also know exactly how you feel. I'll send it now, read it and let me know what you think.

joen said...

I'm with ya GF! Fighting the battle myself. I did find an app for my phone MyFitnessPal it is pretty good for counting calories and most of the foods are already programmed in. You put your info in and it calculates how many calories a day - Kinda helps me keep track of things and say do I really want that or should I have something else. You are such a sweet person I know you can do it. Walking helps too if you can get to a gym just try to do something daily even if its hulahooping or dancing with the girls!

Summer said...

You go girl!!

My husband is in the same boat. He's been doing P90 at home but you can always start with something easier like a Jillian Michael's DVD. He also used to eat out for lunch a lot for work, he had to stop that. That's what was really hurting him. Now he brings lunch and has a Cliff Bar for a snack. You can use the app "my fitness pal" to keep track of what you're eating which is free and awesome!

We juice, as a family. Today I shared our favorite summer juice if you want to check it out.

Anyways, we all believe in you. You are beautiful!

Denissa said...

First I want to say how awesome I think it is to put this all out there! That takes a TON of courage! Its so much easier to put only what is good and pretty on our blogs.
That being said; You're one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out..I feel lucky to have actually met you in real life too! I'm sorry that you feel unhappy :(
I think starting small and having the mind set makes the biggest differences. Tons of water and exercising even just walking makes a HUGE difference :) sending you a HUGE hug!!
Love ya friend :)

I have a ? for you but I don't wanna leave it on here ;)

mel @ the larson lingo said...

You are awesome, I am cheering you on! I think you are beautiful inside & out and I am proud of you for posting this! I am having a summer salad Linky tomorrow, so you can check it out, I am sure there will be some healthy summery recipes linked up!!! Love you!!

Allyssa said...

Way to go! You are awesome! I might have to join you and get healthy myself!

SwishDesigns said...

Good Luck Heather - it's not easy, that's for sure! Keep us posted!

Unknown said...

It takes a strong person to post such a personal and honest thing on the internet. You've developed such an intense interest and determination in so many different things in life. Once you truly aim your sights at getting healthy, I know you'll be successful. Remember, your loving family is behind you every step of the way. You are beautiful and we all love you more than anything!


Nikki @ Saving For A Rainy Day said...

*Hugs* I've always been 'content' with being bigger too. I don't want to be that way.

This post totally resonated with me.
I try to remember I'm so much more than my shell-as are you.
But like you said,humans judge.We just do.So they are gonna judge our books by the covers before they get to know the inside.

I want my cover to match the inside.
Kudo's to you for taking the steps to do so :)

Ashley H. said...

I SO feel you on this! I got super into the zone at the start of this year and lost 17lbs. I hit a slump and let life overwhelm me and while I haven't worked out in 3 weeks and I haven't gained weight I can see my body shape changing. It's so discouraging but I know I can get back on the wagon and make the changes permanent.

If you cannot afford a gym you can still get a workout! I have the P90X videos on my laptop and love them. You might also want to checkout The workouts are usually around 12 minutes long but can be brutal!

Good luck XO

Amy said...

First of all, you're beautiful NO MATTER WHAT! Start out with aiming for 40 miles in August...walk, bike, all adds up and once you see the 40 miles getting closer each day, you'll want to keep going. My advice would be to make a lifestyle change NOT diet. Diets don't work ~ trust me. Pick up Jillian's 30 Day Shred. It's like $10 at's 30 minutes and a good all around workout. You will be sore and have to push through each day, but it does become addicting and something you WANT to do. When you're sore, you know it's working! ;-) I know this sounds silly, but find a picture of how you'd like to see yourself and stick it on the fridge or on your bathroom mirror. Trust me, I don't have it all figured out either, but if we all cheer each other on, we can go so much further that we ever thought we could! Oh and that comment up there from Tony....made me a little choked up! Get it, girl! XO

Unknown said...

Yay Heather!!! Here's to a healthier, happier you!!! I hear you on a lot of this... My problem is that I used to be in better shape. I did lots of sports in school and was always doing something... now? Nothing!!! And it's taking it's toll! Sending you positive thoughts and keeping a few for myself! ;)

mwimp said...

you can do it! i've been the same way alot lately, i wrote a post about it a couple days ago myself.
we'll help each other!

Kelly | Fabulous K said...

So proud of you, sweet friend. xoxo

Teri said...

I don't even know how to begin to express to you how beautiful you are inside and outside and you always have been. I am in awe of your honesty and bravery for opening your heart to everyone and sharing. I know you can do anything that you put your mind to my sweet daughter. It is a struggle to model a healthy lifesytle, that is something that I have failed you and I am so very sorry. I am going to join you on this journey and I know that as a family we can do it. You have so much love and support from Tony. That man adores you !!!!! I encourage you to take in all the encouragement that will come your way. You so deserve it !! I love you sweetheart and I am excited for you and this new chapter that you are beginning with your family. Your girlies love and adore you so much. Please always remember all the people in your life that love you so very much !!

jenleonardini said...

Good for you, Heather! You of course are such a beautiful person and your girls are so lucky to have you. I know I am going to be in the same boat come October and will be looking to you for encouragement! When I lost 30 pounds before my wedding, it was all Weight Watchers. I did not work out...not even once. It was all what I was eating. I kept it off for 2 years until I got pregnant with Belle. After that, I just kinda stopped trying. I am like you...totally determined to get back on track and set a good example for my girl. We have a big responsibility as moms and you are a fabulous one!

LittleGreenThread said...

You are a beautiful woman, with a beautiful heart. Don't ever forget that! I'm so proud of you for taking steps toward a healthier lifestyle. Love you sweet friend!

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful and amazing! I think we all wish we liked vegetables more! I recommend the Breville Juicer. They have it at Williams Sonoma (so you can check it out) but get it on Amazon as it's cheaper and no tax. We have one and the little recipe book it came with was pretty good. Also, if you can get into juicing beets they are the miracle food, been know to shrink and remove tumors, among other things! Good luck!
A blog for stylish moms despite all the spilled milk!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing and beautiful! I think we all wish we liked vegetables more. I recommend the Breville Juicer. They have it at Williams Sonoma but get it on Amazon as it's cheaper and no tax. The recipe book it comes with is pretty good and try to acquire a taste for beets. Beets are the miracle food, been known to shrink and kill cancerous tumors, among other things! Good luck!
A blog for stylish moms despite all the spilled milk!

Amy @ At the Pink of Perfection said...

Hey babe, same here. On every point. I've been getting sick a lot recently eating bad food, so in a way it's forcing me to eat better. I'm here, and I'd love an accountability partner. I'm starting up LA Weightloss again, worked before with a 40lb loss. Hit me up, I'm serious about a buddy!

Four Flights said...

I'm proud of you Heather, for your outlook on this and your realization that your size does not determine who you are, but can determine what kind of life you end up leading (like not being able to chase your kiddies around). I don't juice but i love making green smoothies, which are yummy! Just use water instead of a fruit juice to cut down on calories, or use almond milk for your base, better yet! Great protein in almond milk and very few calories. Throw in whatever fruit you have on hand and a few leaves of spinach or swiss chard (I find chard to be a but sweeter) and blend it up. Healthy, low in calories and lots of protein. I also add a small scoop of protein whey powder if I want an extra pack of protein. Good luck girl! We're rooting for you!

jolene's spot said...

Hey! I think that is awesome:)
You can do it! It will be hard and it will suck..and it is going to be so easy to give up but don't!
I lost 93 lbs without gastric bypass or a belly band or any of that crap.
When I was 16 I weighed 223 lbs. I am 29 ( I will be 30 tomorrow...booooo) and I now weigh 130 lbs.
I have also had 2 daughters and gained and lost weight while pregnant but always got back to my goal weight.

I stopeed drinking ANYTHING besides water and coffee.. I dont eat any processed foods and I hardly EVER eat out. My diet consists of mostly veggies and fruit with the occasional whole grain thrown in. I eat some grilled chicken and fish and substitute most fatty meats with organic ground turkey. I also eat egg whites and nuts.If you cut out just 100 calories per day you will lose over 10 lbs in a year. For me that is the difference between not finishing the food on my kids plate or just skipping having a handful of goldfish and a bit of my husbands dessert.
I do also workout like crazy. Gym memberships never worked for me. I have a treadmill so I can get on while my girls are asleep or anytime during the day when they are entertained. I also do weights. Jackie warner is awesome but she will kick your behind :)
People often ask how I lost so much weight and are disappointed when I tell them how. They want me to say it was easy or tell them I had some surgery or magic weight loss pill. It is HARD work but so satisfying.
If you need any help please email me. I can help and give you some good recipes or send you some samples of what I eat.
I would also suggest keeping a food log. If you see what you are eating you can see what you need to cut back on. I know calorie counting is a pain but it works. Remember it is 90% what you eat and only about 10% exercise.
Let me know if I can help. Good luck on your weight loss journey, you're going to do GREAT!

Object of Maya*ffection said...

Your honesty was awesome - Remember HEather - the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single are wanting to eat better, so thats the first won't be easy, it will take some time BUT I gurantee once you are in a healthy habit you will FEEL BETTER inside and out!!

Maria-Isabel @ Agape Love Designs said...

This post brought tears to my eyes! I feel you girl! Everything you wrote, I felt that. I was just like that, just like you! Felt everything you said, exactly!

I am here for you girl!! I have been on my weight loss journey for the past 5 months (i think you saw one of my blog posts) and Im down 55 pounds! I still have about another 50 to lose... but its a journey and a lifestyle change.. but just STARTING is the biggest thing! GO YOU!! Im here for you! You got this!! *HUGS*


Sosiesmama721 said...

Your honesty is beautiful and inspiring (as are you!!). I've too struggled with my weight for far too many years, and now that I have a little girl I want to set and BE a good example for her!! Weight watchers has always worked for me, it's a slow process but (imo) one that is realistic. I joined a few months ago and am down around 18 lbs.
I still have quie a ways to go but know that it can be done! Lots of luck to you mama! xoxo

Meghan said...

I love this post!

I feel in the blog world the desire to be skinny is surely there, it's nto exactly a pressure but there's not many bigger girl fashion blogs that I know of!

I too am a bigger girl, and have been my whole life. But let me tell yoa, you rock it! You look amazing ALL THE TIME!

Seriously I bet you can't take a bad picture :P I really hope you are doing this 100% for you and not what other people think!

And I know "diets" are scary and something to shy away from. But Weight Watchers is AMAZING. You get points based off your weight/height and other factors. Their new system Points Plus allows you to eat fresh fruits and vegetables FREE, so whenever you want a snack you'll tend to lean on those instead of using up your points :) You also earn points back bye exercise. And you have weekly overflow points for special celebrations!

Okay now that I wrote you a book, I'm gonna stop! But if you have any questions or need some motivation, you know where to find me! <3


Kerry said...

This is great. I'm also larger, especially on top, and I think its important to have a balance between being grateful and accepting of how God made us, and also trying to be as healthy as possible.
Increasing exercise and fruits and veggies, and making better choices so we feel by's one small decision at a time...


design + development by kelly christine studio